I really enjoy collecting random, mostly worthless, Minnesota Twins memorabilia. My 1989 Kirby Puckett bottle cap coin might be the best example of this. These types of coins are usually sold for $1 on Ebay, and even then, they’re over priced by the time you have paid for shipping. Still, I could not help but buying up a handful of them and adding them to the growing pile of Twins junk collecting dust in the corner of my bedroom.
My favorite method for acquiring these items is Ebay. I usually search for “Minnesota Twins” and then sort by items ending soonest. If I can bid on something that is ending in less than a minute, and pay less than $3, including shipping, I have no problem pulling the trigger. Several weeks ago I was browsing the quickly expiring Minnesota Twins auctions and I came across a pair of game used pants worn by former Twins player and coach, Rick Renick. The pants eventually sold outside of my modest price range, but ever since then I have been drawn towards the odd and outrageous Minnesota Twins items on Ebay. What are the weirdest Twins things on Ebay, and do you need to own them?
To help you make that decision, here are my 10 favorite Minnesota Twins auction listings:
10. Do you have $3,595 extra dollars laying around? Are you in love with the 1987 World Championship team? How about buying a 1987 Minnesota Twins World Series trophy?! The item description makes no substantial claim of authenticity, and there is no indication who owned this trophy at the time of the championship (though the author would like you to think it might have been Kirby Puckett’s judging from the auction listing) Enjoy this ”authentic “World Series trophy, it will definitely tie your memorabilia collection together.
9. For only $7.99 this autographed Boof Bonser photograph from 2007 could be yours. Imagine how jealous your friends will be when they see this 8×10 beauty hanging on the wall of that old fish house that’s been sitting in your back yard for the past 10 years. Buy this photo if you love awkward stares from number 4 starters. Don’t buy this photo if you have a jealous lover, because when you love Boof, you cannot love another.
8. Remember when Francisco Liriano was terrible in 2011? How would you like to own a piece of that miserable history with a Game Worn Jersey!!! For just a tick under $400 (plus $12.99 shipping) you could own an official game used jersey, that the seller describes and probably maybe kinda sorta game used (at least it has been well worn). If you have $412.98, and you have not yet bought this, you have the will power of Superman.
7. You might buy this next item if you are Delmon Young‘s biggest fan, and you love autographed rookie cards. I can’t figure out if the seller is selling just a single card, or a set of four cards, with two that are nearly identical. Either way, this lot will cost you $375. Too pricey for me, but certainly not for an eccentric billionaire who hates defense, effort, and tiny lips.
6. THE MINNESOTA TWINKIES!* A 1977 Hostess Cup Cake Twinkees 3-D Store Display with what is probably an image of Rod Carew at the back of the display. I don’t know where you find one of these, but this is a great example of people hanging on to things that used to NOT be cool, which are now, in my humble opinion, really cool.Of course, if you ask The Baseball Project (bluesy folk/rock singers) you really shouldn’t call them Twinkies.
5. This item would be a lot higher on the list if I knew exactly where these 3 Metrodome Seats came from. Row 34, and on the aisle, but that’s about all you get. Maybe someone knows a lot about Metrodome schematics and can narrow down the seats’ previous location, but more important for you is their future location. These blue beauties would look great bolted to the floor in your living room, and if you order a 2nd set, you can hopefully get the cup-holders for a beverage of your choice.
4. For less than a cup of coffee from the gas station you can own the 2001 Fleer Tradition card of the 169th best Minnesota Twin ever (ranked by bWAR). Of course I’m talking about Ron Coomer. In addition to his five years in Minnesota, Coom Dawg (per Wikipedia) played a year each for the Chicago Cubs, New York Yankees and Los Angeles Dodgers before retiring after the 2003 season. Despite making the All-Star team in 1999, Coomers’ career triple slash (BA/OPB/SLG) is just .274/.313/.421, which is good enough for an OPS+ just 13% worse than the league average. But hey, that’s why a nondescript 2001 Ron Coomer Fleer Tradition card goes for just $1.05 (For what it’s worth, 2001 marked Coomers’ first year away from the Twins, so this card, which shows Coomer as a Twin, was probably as undesirable in 2001 as it is today).
3. If you’re into remembering great Minnesota failures from the past, and you could not afford the 2011 Liriano jersey, than this might be your ticket. How about a 2010 Twins/Yankees ALDS Game 5 Ticket commemorating a game the Twins never played because they were swept out of the ALDS, extending their post season losing streak to 10 games, just 3 short of the all time record, held by the 1986-1995 Boston Red Sox.
2. File this one under: Things you never knew you didn’t want to buy but are willing to buy because it will only cost you a quarter. For 25 cents (and an outrageous $2.63 shipping fee) you could be the proud owner of a 1997 Limited Edition Pinnicle Mint Coin that depicts Minnesota’s less than favorite son, Chuck Knoblauch. After the 1997 season Knoblauch left Minnesota for the bright lights of New York City. He played two reasonably good years for the Yankees before the wheels fell off and he was out of baseball following the 2002 season.
1. This auction item takes the cake as the Best Minnesota Twins Item on Ebay because (a) it is affordable, (b) it is functional, (c) it is unique and (d) only the most die-hard of all fans will want one. A Minnesota Twins Clean/Dirty Dishwasher Magnet. For less than $5, including shipping, you’ll never have to again actually open the dishwasher to know if the dishes inside of it are clean or dirty (unless of course, you fail to use the dishwasher button effectively, and that’s just silly). The dishes are done, Twins fans.
I would like to thank JC, Babs and KL for letting me join the Knuckleballs family.