Continuing in our series hoping to improve the baseball experience for everyone, here are Commandments 5-7!

5. Thou shalt not STOP in the pathway.

This is one of those things that can happen “accidentally” more than anything else.  But as you learn to be more aware of others while at the baseball game, hopefully, you will understand why this is such a difficulty.  After all, there are fellow fans doing their darnedest to get to their seats before players take the field!  Please, do not stop at the top or bottom of a stairwell while you try to figure out (or remember) where you are going.  God forbid you would actually stop in the MIDDLE of the stairwell.  Understand that the general flow of traffic is much like the streets you drove on to get to the ballpark.  Stay to the right and merge gradually if you need to get to the left – which might mean planning ahead a little bit.  STOPPING to turn into oncoming traffic where it’s unexpected is a good way to get run into – from both directions.  This is just plain DANGEROUS not to mention disrespectful to the other fans you put in harm’s way.  Stairwells are a limited and crowded pathway already, so please be kind and move out of the flow of traffic if you have to consult regarding your destination or if you need to wait for someone.

 There is a notable exception to this commandment that was previously noted in #3.  If you are going to your seat and a batter comes up to bat, it is appropriate to stop and sit or kneel in the stairway.  Obviously, other fans who are paying attention will do the same thing as they wait for appropriate travel times.  Those who are NOT paying attention probably need the reminder of pausing to wait for you to become aware of their circumstances – just use caution and know your surroundings.

6. Thou shalt not scream, “throw it back!”

This is perhaps the dumbest thing you could do at the ballpark – unless you are in Wrigley Field and btw Cubs fans, I have a bone to pick with you.  For one, going to the ball park is not an everyday occurrence for all the fans in the park with you.  For some fans just being in the ballpark is a special occasion.  And that means that catching ANY homerun ball – even from the opposing team – could be a once in a lifetime experience.  Should you choose throw such an achievement back on to the field of play, a) you’re really not thinking about how to best use your opportunities and b) you’re not being respectful of the players on the field or the security and officials who now have to WAIT for you to be done with your moment of mental failure. 

 But for the fans that brought their gloves to the game and sat in the outfield, I can guarantee that they weren’t hoping for a foul ball.  So let’s leave the peer pressure routine in Jr. High shall we and allow other fans the personal choice to pass that Homerun ball to the four year old kid they brought with them to the game or whatever their options are and shut your trap.

7. Thou shalt leave the beach ball at home!

It’s all in the name folks.  It’s a BEACH BALL.  So what could be even less respectful of the other fans at the park (breaking #2) than getting so bored, you do the Wave (breaking #4)???  The answer is bringing a beach ball to the game (or horror of all horrors, dozens of them), inflating them and choosing to toss them down onto the unsuspecting attendees in the lower rows. 

 What on earth went through your mind as you packed the car to go the game?  “I don’t think getting drunk and screaming obscenities is nearly rude enough so I think I will come supplied with things I can throw at people – maybe I’ll even get lucky and it fall on the field and disrupt the game!!!” 

 Do you hear how ridiculous that sounds?  That is what every other fan on the field thinks about you if you fall into this ridiculous fashion trend.  It’s kind of sad to have to say this but it falls under a common-sense category.  If it is something your mother would scold you for doing in the car when you were 8 (or should have), please don’t do it at the ball park.